in the shadows...

No sleep

No sleep until I am done with finding the answer

Won't stop

Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer

Sometimes I feel I going down and so disconnected

Somehow I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I've been watching I've been waiting

In the shadows all my time

I've been searching

I've been living

For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows

In the shadows

NOTICE!!!

WHAT THE?!
okay....so NOW i can access to my old blog! COOL! so from now on i am going to update ONLY this blog!!! okay? thank you for your cooperation and sorry for the confusion caused!

bye!

if you just dont understand...

If you don’t understand what im about;

if you don’t understand who I am;

if you don’t understand why I’m the way I am….

Wrap your mind around this.

If you don’t understand why I dance,

you need to watch me dance again.

Look closer.

Look at my eyes.

Can you see right through me?

Like im made of glass?

You see my heart, you see my veins?

You hear that music?

That’s me your hearing.

The rhythm my blood, and the beat my heart.

Without this I can never be.

If you don’t understand run it back again.

If you don’t understand why I laugh,

you need to listen to me again.

Listen closer.

Listen to my voice.

can you see right through me?

Like im made of sky?

My lungs my brain,

Filled with air and thoughts of sadness.

Look at the sky,

you’ll find me there.

Look in the ocean,

you’ll find me there.

Look in the center of the earth,

you’ll find me there too.

I laugh at myself,

I laugh at everything around me.

My imagination taking me everywhere,

but nowhere.

If you don’t understand run it back again.

If you don’t understand why im writing this...

Run it back again.

cupcake on the beach!

one day,

two muffins go into the oven,

the baker turns up the heat,

then the first muffin begans to speak,

the first muffin says,

"man, its hot in here!"

the second muffin says,

"HOLY CRAP, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

breakfast...

no matter where i am,
when i turn around,
i see you,
i smile,
you smile back,
thank you for being here when i need you,
even if you arent really here...

to all good, thrust-able friends out there this is for you...im lucky to have mine

love is hate, hate is hate.....10 things i hate about myself

10 Things I Don't Like

1. being emo

2. having to study

3. exams

4. dolls

5. homework

6. work

7. rumors

8. myself

9. windows

10. snakes

10 Things I Like

1. being emo

2. friends

3. drawing

4. running

5. songs

6. storybooks

7. pictures

8. animals

9. fresh air

10. food

10 Facts About Me

1. being emo

2. easily scared

3. easily manipulated

4. easily bullied

5. easily sleepy

6. i like stuff

7. i hate myself

8. i like animals

9. i hate exams

10. ppl hate me, i hate me, nobody even likes me, emo.....

10 Habits That I Have

1. being emo

2. shaking my leg

3. saying thank you or thanks for EVERYTHING

4. saying sorry or IM SOOOOO SORRY for almost everything

5. breaking chopsticks

6. breaking pencils

7. sleeping half the day

8. drawing on my desk

9. eating a mint every 5 seconds

10. doing my school work at the VERY last minute

10 Random People I Tag

1. STILL being emo

2. jack

3. nesalinee

4. fazlul

5. alex yap

6. choong mun loong

7. diorene

8. dana chan

9. cheah jie lam

10. johnathan

unfaithful........

or

or

or

or

or

?????

hazel eyes....

Here I am once again
I'm torn into pieces

Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

(now i knoe that in the picture above the eye isnt hazel in colour but....)

lets play a love game

love is a game............

im confused...

My number one: There could never be no one like you
How come I feel this way about
My number two: Never tried to tell me what to say or do
I'm so in love with two
I don't want to push it
I don't want to fight
But this feeling keeps me up all night
If I only could decide
But I can't make up my mind
I'm breakin' all my rules because of you
You can tell me it's not right
And it tears me up inside
But the problem is
I'm so in love with two...

thats what girls do

have you ever though what girls have been thinking? well now we knoe!

She says … She means …

Yes -No

No -Yes

Maybe -No

We need- I want

I’m sorry- You’ll be sorry

We need to talk -I need to complain

Sure…go ahead -I don’t want you to

Is my butt fat? -Tell me I’m beautiful

Do what you want -You’ll pay for this later

I’m not upset -Of course I’m upset, you moron!

Are you listening to me?? -Too late, you’re dead

You have to learn to communicate -Just agree with me

Be romantic, turn out the lights -I have flabby thighs

You’re so.. manly -You need a shave and you sweat a lot

Do you love me? -I’m going to ask for something expensive

It’s your decision -The correct decision should be obvious by now

You’re certainly attentive tonight- Is sex all you ever think about??

I’ll be ready in a minute -Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

How much do you love me? -I did something today that you’re really
not gonna like

i so in love with two..........

my eyes are dead....

be your girl...

Maybe, I wanna be your girl
Maybe, all I need is you
Anna ni mou soba ni ite mo
Konna ni mou ai sarete mo
Jikan wa mikata shite kurezu ni
Anata no kanojo ni narenai atashi
Sore de mo ii tte nan do mo omotta
Anata wo dareka to SHEA shite iru keredo
Sore ja iya da tte nan do mo naiteru
Uso de mo kiyasume de mo atashi dake tte itte

i knoe that by now your wondering what that means, well this is what it means;

~Maybe I wanna be your girl~
~Maybe all I need is you~
As much as you are next to me
As much as you give me loving
Without time siding by me
I cannot become your girlfriend
"I'm fine with it," I kept thinking,
you being shared with someone else,
but i just kept on crying:
"I don’t like it"
Even if it’s a lie or for comforting, just say:
"You’re my only one"

IM SO eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemo!!! SOMEONE JUST GIVE ME A HUG ALREADY!!!

all credits to chieko kawabe

Blue skies are depressing
Oh, how I hate the day light
I find eyebrows so sexy
And high heels just piss me off
Like sulking and dancing
I hate swimming
Can't socialize well
It's easy to see
That I don't belong

i want someone who loves me for who i am,
and accepts me for who i am,
to a specific person,
understand this....

eeeeeeeeeeeeemo person tagging

Name ten of your choices for all these categories. then tag 10 people and DANCE!
a. name 10 of your favourite songs
1. SEXYBACK! (J.T ROCKS)
2. p-p-poker face!
3. lonely in gorgeous. (LONELY...*sob*)
4. love magic (YAY)
5. lovestoned!!
6. circles (eeeeeeeeeeeeemo)
7. perfect (even more EEEEEEMO)
8. a little too not over you (EMO love song)
9. bring me to life (the emo-est!)
10. THE EMO SONG

b. name 10 of your favourite shows
1. soul eater (im NOT nerdy!)
2. 90210 (this show is NICE)
3. the simpsons *laughs*
4. naruto (its okay)
5. haruhi suzumiya! *dance*
6. negima!
7. he is MY MASTER
8. GOOD LUCK chuck
9. lucky star!
10. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!!

c. name 10 of your favourite people
1. well....
2. i cant choose between my friends....
3. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE NICE...
4. so why should i choose between them...
5. they are all TOO nice.....
6. then...
7. why am i doin this?
8. well maybe its bcos im bored....
9. oh well, i started doin it might as well end it..
10. and im ending it with a BYE!

d. name 10 of your favourite bands
.....well....i dont know alot of bands...im SOO RETARDED!

e. in your one of your favourite shows, name 10 characters in it
1. soul (ofcourse)
2. MAKA
3. black star
4. death the kid
5. liz
6. medusa
7. the grim reaper?
8. chrona or is it krona? is she even a girl???
9. EXCALIBUR!!! (LOL)
10. the bar tender!!! (LOL THAT GUY WAS FUNNEH!!!)

ppl you tag:
1. my sister (family first)
2. adrian (im all smiles)
3. charmaine hee *happy happy*
4. nesalinee (remember the deal nesa!!!)
5. alex (^^)
6. mun loong (....)
7. diorene (pls dont be mad)
8. dana CHAN
9. fazlul (ask nesa about the deal. IN PRIVATE)
10. chermaine tan

the camellia flower...

i am a scentless flower.....when your not paying attention....i slowly blossom...and quietly whither in a miserable way.....without notice......i die.......alone

my mirror is black at both sides

i have two sides.....it doesnt really matter because.....they are both black.......

here in your arms....

Well you are the one,
the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
Now there's no place else I could be
but here in your arms.

behind these eyes, hell lives

No one knows what it's like,

To be the bad man,

To be the sad man,

Behind these eyes,

And no one knows,

What it's like to be hated,

To be fated to telling only lies,

But my dreams they aren't as empty,

As my conscience seems to be,

I have hours, only lonely,

My love is vengeance,

That's never free....

the bitterness of my life are like circles that never end

Take my hand lets go,

Somewhere we can rest our souls.

We'll sit where it's warm,

You say look we're here alone.

I was running in circles,

I hurt myself,

Just to find my purpose.


Everything was so worthless,

I didn't deserve this,

But to me you were perfect.

I'm scattered through this life.

If this is life I'll say good bye....

TAG, YOUR IT!

Rules:It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answer, enter yours, and tag twenty people. Use the first letter of you name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real... nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers, you cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/ girl name question.

1. What is you name : chan sook cheng *smiles*
2. A four Letter Word : Cone?
3. A boy's Name : isnt chan ALREADY a guys name?
4. A girl's Name : Carrie underwood?
5. An occupation : chef? or better! CIA agent!!!
6. A color : chartreuse (i had to google this question!)
7. Something you'll wear : corset (i also had to google this too!!!)
8. A food : CANDY! *YAY*
9. A place : CHINA!
10. A reason for being late : car broke down...(thats what i ALWAYS SAY! JK JK)
11. Something you'd shout : CALL ME!!!!
12. A movie title : CHRONICLES OF NARNIA!!!
13. Something you drink : COKE! duh!
14. A musical group : chemical romance? not good enough? okay...CHEAP TRICK
15. An animal : cat? camel?
16. A street name : china town? dunno....= ,=
17. A type of car : Camry? i have the car just dunno how to spell
18. The title of a song : circles....*more emo*

huh....that was ALOT of work! google WORKS! LOL! okay-lah i tag:
1. MY SISTER! XD
2. adrian! *smiles*
3. jack! (ill message you when im free! MISSIN CHA)
4. charmiane hee! (pls dont be emo *like me*)
5. diorene (dont get all angry)
6. nesalinee (pls rmb our deal bout tagging)
7. FAZLUL (OFCOURSE)
8. alex (the lion)
9. mun loong (...)
10. chermaine tan (long time no see)
....tried edi! LOL! buh-bye!

this song is 4 the special ppl out there!

1,2 - 1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,as easy as
1,2 (1 2 3 4.)
theres only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you.i love you.(i love you)
theres only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what i'll do.
i love you...

this is a tribute to ALL my frens out there. I LOVE YOU.
(im do not have a crush on any1 and/or am lesbian)

a letter for my VERY BEST FREN EVER!

Dear bestest fren ever,
i hope ur reading this. i think by now ur already on ur way or already at PERAK! i hope u have LOADS of fun and pls remember to take care of urself! EAT! SLEEP! AND BATHE! but ofcourse u knoe that. im already MISSIN CHA! TAKE CARE! and pls dont feel lonely. im always there somwhere.

I DID THIS POST FOR YOU!

love YOU hate me,
chan

to,
when you read this you'll knoe its for you, nesalinee.....

the love calculator

i miss you baby

i miss ur touch......

HAPPY HAPPY

huh....today was a rush of fresh air....NICE! TODAY ROCKED! IM SO SUPER HAPPY! *dances* I LOVE TODAY! and this is all thanks TO ..................

THE MOST SILLIEST FIGHT EVER!

*riiiing*
^^^^: HEY PICK UP UR BLOODY PHONE!

***:Hello?! WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT ANDREA?! ... Oh its you.. =.= What the bloody hell you want..?

^^^^:I WANT YOU TO BLOODY STOP LETTING YOUR DOG SHIT ON MY LAWN!

*** :What the? My dog aint on your lawn!!

^^^^:IT WAS!

***: Tell your bloody cat to stop stealing my fish!!

^^^^: YOU TELL UR MUT 1ST!

***: YOu tell your furball first!

^^^^: SHIT! MY PROBLEM IS SHIT! YOURS IS JUST FISH! WHO THE HELL CARES BOUT YOUR FISH?!

***: Hey yours is just your lawn! You dont pay for it just wash it! I BUY THE FREAKIN FISH EVERYDAY!! I PAY THE GOD DAMN FISH FOR 5 DOLLARS EVERYDAY!

^^^^:YOU KNOE WHAT?!......(looks out the window) YOUR FREAKIN DOG IS DOIN IT RITE NOW!

***: GUess what? * Peeps at the kitchem * Your cat is in my house and stealing my wifes cooking RIGHT NOW!

^^^^: *shuts phone*
*walks over to ur house angrily*

***: * Shuts phone *
*goes to ur kitchen*

^^^^: * Walks outside *
*takes the fish*

***: * GOes to your lawn *

^^^^: *eats it*
HAPPY?!

***: * Gets my hose, some mud and lets my dog play in the mud in YOUR house * Here, I cleaned your house. Is now sparking.. ;]

^^^^:LOL!
okay okay you win

***: Lolx!

^^^^: takes my cat litter box and then throws in on ur wife!
EAT THAT !!!

***: Takes some mud and throws it at * you have a wife? * housE!!
Take shit man.. ^^

THE END!

faint....

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard,
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact,
That everyone can see these scars,
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel,
But it's like no matter what I doI can't convince you to just believe this is real,
So, I let go watchin' you, turn your back,
Like you always do, face away and pretend that I'm not,
But I'll be here 'cause you are all that I've got....

the diary of a NOBODY

dear diary....

Dear diary,

I thought my dreams had come true,

Last week I found the one to give my heart to,

Told all my friends about him, even tried his last name,

Didn't see that to him it was all just a game,

He seemed so nice, I've known him for a while week,

But my friends didn't like him, didn't know him like me,

No more crushes, no more ruses, learn to be satisfied,

With being single again - wait who's that guy,

You are cute!

my heart melts blood for you..

Sobbing all night has become a routine for me....

i miss you.....

call me, text me, save me

Baby you know that I miss you,
I wanna get with you tonight,
But I cannot baby girl and that's the issue,
Girl you know I miss you,I just wanna kiss you,
But I can't right now so baby kiss me thru the phone,
I'll see you later on,
Kiss me thru the phone, see you when I get home....

a very silly yet FUN trip

hey there! okay, so today was normal...you knoe, wake up, brush up, eat, play wit bunnies, online, update blog. a normal sunday (without hw) day. so i was blogging...blogging...blogging...then suddently...BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!! *opens door*

me: WHAT?!

dad: WERE GOIN TO THE BEACH!!! *smiles*

me: . . .seriously?

dad: yeah. mummy wants to

me: . . .huh....lazy....

my sis: THE BEACH!!! YAY!!!!

me: . . .huh....(i guess that means i have to go....troublesome)

dad: *walks down edi*

so then i got ready, not b4 talkin to my mum 4 a bit. then i changed and my mum said "make sure u bring extra clothes" and im like "im not even goin to swim. i hate the beach" "just do it"

and so i did, after a little fight (nothin serious) then i went down and my bro just woke up from his sleep. so i said "go get ready. were goin to the beach" and hes all "im not goin. im staying home" and i was "WUT?! HOW COME HE GETS TO STAY?!" and in the end i still went.

so the journey begans. we brought ALOT of things even though its only gonna be for like a few hours. dont care-lah. anyway we toke like 1 hour to get "there" and when we reached the beach im like "FINALLY!" my dad told me "NAH! this isnt the beach" and im like "WHAT?!" so then we hopped back into the car and drove off to ANOTHER beach. then when we reached there,

"huh....the air smells like sea"

"IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT! POLLUTED!! NEXT"

"WHAT?!"

then to the third beach

"*to tired to say anything*"

"hmmm......"

"its nice (my mum)"

"it isnt what it used to be"

"....."

"the tide is too low"

"NEXT"

then in the end we went around and AROUND AND AROUND until it tok us like 2 hours to find the perfect beach and in the end we played around for only like 30 minutes or more....SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE?!

well the beach was NICE! the air was great! me and my sis tok LOADS of pictures! LOL! and we bought ICE CREAM!!! YUM! but it was against my diet! i need to exercise more *sob* anyway my sis and i also wrote silly words in the sand! my sis wrote her blog and other stuff and i wrote a cute "ice cream", a heart (i wont tel whos name was in it) and a BIG FAT CUTE "I WAS HERE" LOL! but take my advice, if ur on the beach i was on...there will be monkeys almost EVERYWHERE NEAR THE BEACH and they will be pee-ing on ur stuff (lucky my family didnt get any monkey pee but i saw one monkey pee-ing on a car...poor car) and also DONT LOOK DOWN. cos at the beach i was at there were cute little baby CRABS coming out from the sand and they were kinda making my hair stand especially when ALL 50 OF THEM WALK TOGETHER! EWW!!! i was tryin my best not to step on them. they were kinda gross when they moved but I CANT KILL AN INNOCENT CREATURE! anyway i still had a good time even though i reached home at around 11.00 or so... but overall.... i loved it...

my hunnybun is my CUP OF TEA

EVERYBODY is PERFECT but me

Small town homecoming queen,
She's the star in this scene,
There's no way to deny she's lovely,
Perfect skin, perfect hair,
Perfumed hearts everywhere,
Tell myself that inside she's ugly,
Maybe I'm just jealous,
I can't help but hate her,
Secretly I wonder if MY BOYFRIEND WANTS TO DATE HER,
She is the prom queen,I'm in the marching band,
She is a cheerleader I'm sitting in the stands,
She gets the top bunk I'm sleeping on the floor,
She's Miss America,
and I'm just the girl next door.....

i walk alone.....

I walk a lonely road,

The only one that I have ever known,

Don't know where it goes,

But it's home to me and I walk alone,

I walk this empty street,

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams,

Where the city sleeps,

and I'm the only one and I walk alone,

I walk alone,

I walk alone,

I walk alone,

I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me,

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating,

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me,

'Til then I walk alone,

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah,
Aaah-ah,Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line,

That divides me somewhere in my mind,

On the border line,

Of the edge and where I walk alone,

Read between the lines,

What's messed up and everything's alright,

Check my vital signs,

To know I'm still alive and I walk alone,

I walk alone,

I walk alone,

I walk alone,

I walk a...

im still/never here,

I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard,
All a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway,
You don't know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be,
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here......

HaTe Me LoVe YoU

a rough nite....

okay so last night i had a rough nite......huh.....i was so.....so.....EMO! i was sobbing on my bed......

just like your love,
i can see it,
but i cant feel it.....

i am happy

IM GONNA MISS YOU GUYS! (girls and guys accually)

okay,so yesterday was teachers day.....AND NOW WE GOT 2 WEEKS OFF! huh....accually....i wana go back to school! its very borin at home! and i have to do the bloody moral hw! LAZY! im emo now.....cos of last nite....im sorry to a specific person....i didnt mean to fight with the person i was just EMO.....anyway, yesterday was okay in the morning....ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! all the speechs were a drag. but thankfully, my bestfrens saved me a seat in front. we sat together and made jokes bout the teahers but nothin too serious. and then they asked us to move behind so i made my way behind....behind....WAYYYYY BACKK!!!! then i sat down and i just reliezed...WE WERE AT THE END OF EVERYBODY! cool! so we talked and talked and talked! and then we sang songs and we tok alot of photos! special thanks to who ever brough the camera. and after that we went to eat.....rehat was okay....mia, nesa n fazlul and the others were having a blast eating but i only ate a small sandwich and a mint.....diet....UGH! then after that we went back to put our bags down and we went to go greet out VERY KIND AND TOUGHTFUL TEACHER, PN.YEO!!!! i greeted her and she was SO NICE! and then we went down and again we sat behind but then the probates FORCED us infront so we did...a little...then i sat next to nesa and alex and next to nesa was bryton (he seems to love taking pictures) and i think next to him was daval (sorry for wrong spelling if there is any) and infront of me was mia who was in between eliza and fazlul who was beside fatin who was beside some guy (i forgot his name sorry*sweat*) i felt SOOO SLEEPY!!! and i wanted to sleep on nesa's shoulder but she was ALREADY SLEEPING!!! HOW CAN SHE EVEN SLEEP WHEN THERES A CRAZY GUY BEHIND US SCREAMING?! anyway somehow she managed to ignore the screaming and sleep she slept on her bag, facedown so i couldnt sleep on her so i just sleept and i end up on alex's shoulder...well he didnt mind so, who cares. and besides we ARE best frens so nothing wrong wit that, rite? and so i continued to sleep then out of no where the crazy baboon behind me screamed and i immediately woke up and stood straight! and then i fell asleep again....huh...sleeping was nice....then nesa and me slept, alex was reading his geo exam paper, eliza,mia and fazlul were gossipping, fatin and the guy were talkin bout somthing and the probates were...probating i guess... and then again i slept on his shoulder then again with the baboon behind me and his screams UGH! GOD! and so i woke up! JEEZ! will he ever SHUT UP?
and so the day ended fast and eventually nesa woke up! LOL! nobody could handle the screams of that guy! and in the end i said bye to nesa and hugged her and i didnt see the others....huh...i should have hugged them TOO! *sob* and so i walked back home and looked up at the sky and tought bout my day....then i almost tripped! JK! i met up with chan wei yan and we talked talked talked then i talked to ivan for a bit and waited for my mum....and thats my day. boring huh? it was fun for me. and i wanna thank nesa and fazlul for getting gifts for me! THANK YOU! and i feel bad for not getting you guys anyting! I DIDNT KNOE! IM SORRY! and im also sorry to a specific person....EMO

iM aLwAyS SaD

ExAmS ArE OvEr!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!! EXAMS ARE OOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!
YIPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
now i can FINALLY surf the internet!!! and update my blog ofcourse.
I MISSED YOU, LAPTOP!!!! but now i dont miss you (laptop) anymore....
I MISS MY FRENS!!!! *sob* i should have hugged everybody!!!!
well i hope who-ever-who-is-readin-this has a GREAT holiday!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

love you hate me,
*cHaN sOoK cHeNg*

rumors hurt

i accually found a couple pic wearing OUR ugly school uniform! and they look great!

the 4 stages of exams

10 seconds before the exam starts...............

10 minutes after the exam starts..............

10 minutes after the exam ends...................

10 seconds after the results came out..................